Chapter 5. The Dreamer

The Dreamer

The following day begins with sunshine. I enjoy an early lunch on the terrace of a small restaurant in the central square of the village and surrender myself to the bliss of being. My only companions are the Sunday church bells and the" bon appétit" of the occasional passer-by. However, I am roused by the screeching of the seagulls that seem to fill the whole area. I manage to see one of the seagulls grab a piece of pizza left unattended on a plate. In an instant the seagull swallows its prey and there is nothing to share with its friends in a crowd nearby. Everything happens extremely naturally and as I'm following this drama an interesting question pops up: is the seagull able to carry guilt for its actions?

While asking the question I'm already aware of its nature. It is based on an assumption, that both the seagull and me as person are independent and aware individuals.

To whom does consciousness belong?

Observing the seagulls helps me to remember an analogy between the sun and the Self. The light of the sun reflects itself from countless objects. Each one represents one unique viewpoint of the same sun. Although there are billions of viewpoints, all of them share the same source. In a similar way the light of consciousness is reflected as an "I am" experience in seven billion human minds and creates an illusion of seven billion individual "I"s. The illusion of separation creates a maxim, that who we are is the body and our mind. Respectively, we feel that body-mind is the I, who is aware of the world. Due to the identification with the personality, consciousness and experiencing seem to belong to that separate entity. Thus, everything is taken immensely personally, and it feels that our Self shares the limits and the destiny of the mind and body – but our Self has neither a begin, nor an end, it is always present!

The nature of subject object relationship

It's evident, that I have found my guru in the form of a seagull! My observations and the question, whether the seagull is conscious or not, help me to understand the nature of the subject object relationship. When I believe that there is a conscious self inside my body, the body-mind seems to be the perceiver of world and its multitudinous content and form. Accordingly, when this belief is projected to the seagull there seems to be a subject object relationship, a seagull which perceives or feels something. But just like the eye can't see itself, the seen is not the real seer. The seagull is not an independent subject, nor is it an object that is separate from the whole. Suddenly, it's so evident that I have mistaken my mind and body for myself. The body-mind as well as the seagull are perceived and are unable to know their true nature!

The reality of our Being

It is literally mind blowing to recognize that instead of an independent subject, Tuulikki is an agency for creativity, a localization of consciousness through which experience takes place. However, by overlooking our true nature there seem to exist a separate entity by the name of Tuulikki, who feels that there is a subject object relationship between herself and the seagull. But from the perspective of consciousness, which is the only I there is, a human being is not an independent subject but an expression of Being – a footprint of God!

A well-known name: I

In the afternoon I follow my intention to bring my attention back to my Self. When surrendering my body and mind to the presence of awareness, it feels like the presence is breathing my body. I'm astonished to experience that consciousness in fact is not located in the body. Rather, it is everywhere, undefined, and unlocated. I realize that it is not the body-mind but consciousness which is conscious and knows itself in and as the totality of experience. Interestingly, the knower has a very well-known name: I. Thus, I'm not what I am aware of, not my body, feelings, thoughts, perceptions, but I'm that which is aware of them! Consciousness does not arise from my form, from my mind or body, but vice versa. My personality, just like all other manifestations, is an inseparable part of consciousness and has never been a subject on its own.

The foundation

Suddenly it is so clear, that the fundamental essence of everything is consciousness! Even though there is a myriad of manifestations, it is impossible for something to appear outside of consciousness, there is no world outside consciousness. But as long I feel that I am a separate entity, it seems that there is an outside world which exists independently of perception. From the illusory point of the personality, objects seem to have a reality of their own, separate from the seamless whole. Accordingly, this is the only standpoint from which one can wonder whether a seagull is aware or not.

The Mask

In the here and now, I'm able to see, that Tuulikki in fact is not an independent and separate knower, thinker, feeler, or perceiver but an agent of creation, an activity (through which creation experiences itself as Tuulikki's world: videossa tämä teksti: oikeampi olisi: an activity and viewpoint of consciousness as Tuulikki's world.)

And finally, I catch sight of my earlier confusion: The simple experience of being aware has confused itself with a collection of thoughts and feelings to such an extent that it can no longer distinguish itself from them. By allowing myself to be entangled with a collection of objects, I have allowed my true nature to be veiled and have mistaken my body-mind to be the I.

Feeling a sense of I

When the evening comes, I fall into a dreamlike state in which the sense of separation dissolves in the bliss of being. As if by magic I suddenly become aware of the nature of dreaming. In my dreams, I'm able to travel anywhere in the world and experience a variety of events through the characters in my dream. Dreams are very lifelike and only when I wake up in the morning, do I realize that I was dreaming, and that the dream took place in my own mind. I have believed that it is my personhood who is both the dreamer and experiencer of the dreams. But by now, I understand that the dreamed characters borrow their sense of I from the True Self which is consciousness. That is why everything in the dream feels very real and there seem to be a personal I experiencing a dream. But it is consciousness which steps into the role of its dreamed characters and sees the world from their perspective. Accordingly, my body-mind is a vehicle in the mind of consciousness, through and as which the Self experiences itself as my person and its world. What I've thought of as my own individual mind, is in fact an inseparable part of consciousness, an aspect of God's mind.

The dreamer

This understanding helps me to see that what is dreaming for consciousness, is waking up for the person and appearing of the world. It is literally mind blowing to see, that both the personhood and the world are appearances projected by consciousness. So, what we call falling asleep of the person, is simply the withdrawal of this projection. As it disappears, the body and world vanish, and there is only the timeless presence of consciousness. The peace of deep sleep is enjoyable and nourishing precisely because by then we rest in our true Self. So, the actual dreamer is consciousness, our Self, that creates everything in its own mind, steps into the role of the dreamed characters and perceives the world through them.

I go back outside for a while. As the sun moves lower, it alights on my body and the trees from the side making the shadows grow longer. In the HERE and NOW, it is evident that a projection can neither perceive itself, nor be conscious. I wake up and realize that I is the ever-present element shining even in the darkest shadow of the mind!